the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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