She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If I die, sorry about rent.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
