my mouth tastes like poor choices
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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