So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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