Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
