Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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