Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I can't trust your balls anymore.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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