i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
