I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
