you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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