I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
