I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
