Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
