I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
