My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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