went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
