I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
