I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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