Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
