I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Only a mothe r could love this liver
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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