Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
