Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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