tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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