Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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