; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
