Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Im part way to drunk.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
