they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
