In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
