You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
