there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
