Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
