I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
