I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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