She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
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Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
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Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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