i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
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Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
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I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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