She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I have tasted many bathrooms
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
