You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
