How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
