Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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