I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I cannot find my penis.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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