SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
