i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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