maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
