..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
