Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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