I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
