how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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