saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
