and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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