actually, I'm a sock model
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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