I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
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She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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