shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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