Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
