At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
