You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
