And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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